The Two Dates Rule: Do Not Decline After One Meeting
Why a person’s real depth does not reveal itself immediately
You come back from a first date and feel: “This is not it”? Do not rush to give a final refusal. In the world of shidduchim there is an important practical rule — at least two meetings.
Experienced shadchanim note that on a first date people rarely show their real selves. There is too much nervousness, expectation, and pressure to impress.
Why does this rule work?
It lowers pressure. When both sides know there will be at least one more meeting, anxiety goes down.
It reveals depth. The first meeting often shows only the cover, not the inner person.
It prevents missing a good match. Many happy marriages began not with a dazzling first impression, but with a person gradually opening up.
A helpful question after a first date is: “Was I comfortable enough to meet again?”
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