Mesarev Get: Spiritual Blackmail and Its Consequences

In Jewish tradition, marriage is a sacred bond. But once a marriage has truly broken down, halacha provides a path for divorce. When one side has the real ability to release the other and refuses for revenge, money, or control, this is no longer a “difficult divorce,” but a grave moral failure.

Who is a mesarev get?

It is a person who can give a get but deliberately refuses. In practice, this often involves revenge, financial extortion, custody pressure, or the desire to keep another human being trapped.

Why is it so serious?

This is cruelty, not a technical dispute. Get refusal reveals a person’s middos with painful clarity.

It becomes a chillul Hashem. When Torah law is used as an instrument of torment, it desecrates Hashem’s Name.

What does this mean for shidduchim?

This cannot be treated as a private side note. If a person previously used a get as leverage, that is a direct danger signal for any future marriage.

Practical takeaway. A mesarev get is not merely “someone with a complicated past.” It is a major red flag involving control, cruelty, and broken trust. For shidduchim, such a history requires maximum caution, truthfulness, and rabbinic oversight.