Detective or Parent? Where to Stop When Researching a Candidate
Why over-investigation in shidduchim can hide what really matters
In an age of too much information, parents can easily turn into private detectives. But traditional guidance warns that over-investigation is a trap.
The rule of two calls
More calls do not guarantee more truth. One wise mother said that two good calls are often enough, and that a person hears what Hashem wants them to hear. If a fact is hidden from Heaven, thirty calls will not necessarily reveal it.
Focus on the essentials. Instead of strange trivial questions, attention should be given to middot, life goals, maturity, and yiras Shamayim.
Information is always filtered. People describe a candidate through their own perspective, sympathies, and assumptions. Even facts need judgment.
The golden middle. One should not go into a date blindly, but neither should the process become a search through dental records.
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