Community Safety Report & Blacklist: Protection against abuse in Shidduch

1. General Principle

A candidate who has refused to give a get (divorce document) is an extremely serious case. From the perspective of Halacha and shidduch ethics, this behavior is not just a "past mistake" but an indicator of deep character defects and a serious violation of Jewish law.

2. Qualification: Cruelty and Bad Character

Refusal to give a get (often for blackmail or revenge) classifies a person as a mesarev get. Sources categorize this as serious character defects:

• Cruelty
• Malice
• Tendency toward violence (middot raot)

Halacha requires revealing such qualities, even if not asked about them.

3. "Do Not Stand Idly By" (Vayikra 19:16)

If a person sees danger — they must intervene. In shidduch context, "bloodshed" means allowing a union that will cause suffering. If the administrator knows of serious issues, silence equals complicity.

If a candidate is capable of keeping a partner in a state of agunah, this constitutes "placing a stumbling block before the blind."

4. The Problem of "The Past" and Teshuvah

Halacha generally forbids reminding of past sins after teshuvah. However, for get refusal, special rules apply:

• Need for forgiveness: The Lubavitcher Rebbe emphasized: for a successful second marriage, one must receive full forgiveness from the former spouse.
• Public scandal: Actions that became a public disgrace require special consideration by a rabbi.

5. Practical Question

If a candidate indicates they were married, they should be asked:

"Have you ever been officially recognized as a mesarev get?"

Mesarev get — a person who refuses to give or receive a Jewish divorce document (get), thereby preventing the former spouse from remarrying according to Halacha.

A lie on this point is itself a halachic basis for blocking.

6. "Returning a Loss" (Sanhedrin 73a)

Preventing an unfortunate marriage saves years of life and peace of mind. The Rebbe: family is "Binyan Adei Ad" — its foundation must be pure.

7. "Do Not Place a Stumbling Block" (Vayikra 19:14)

If a dangerous candidate is on the site — the administration becomes an indirect cause of error (mekach taut). A shadchan must be a filter of reliable information.

8. Two Witnesses (Devarim 19:15)

"A matter shall be established by two witnesses." One cannot rely on rumors, but can take measures with verified information. Witnesses protect from slander and transform information into a legally significant fact.